TheAuthor

roe
NTU School of Biological Sciences
Hwa Chong Institution
Anderson Sec









HELLOHELLO

<

>







TheBlessings

girlfriends
hc oac
twin shir
xiaomei
katty
ying
weemeng
yinyue
brian
cher
cousin mark
cousin yan ru








MemorySticks

December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
July 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
February 2011












< times since 25th july 2008>




Designed by
ping.2oo8 ©

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

it's a Irish tradition that on leap day, when a girl asks a guy out, he cannot say no. tts a pretty interesting fact tt i learnt while watching "making of the leap years". so next time try asking ur secret guy lover out on leap day!

i think the leap years is quite a lovely romance story, with the nice background music and the thought-provoking quotes. i should be going to catch it. so here's some of the quotes....

"i dream of you everytime, but of all the wrong things." ~ tts quite a sad sentence, but if u think about it, it's sometimes true. the person tt u think is the right one for u might actually be all wrong. so tk some time to truly understand a person before sinking too deep into a relationship.

"it's better to have loved and lost than to not love at all." ~ i dun quite agree with this sentence. the pain tt comes with the lost is sometimes too hard to bear. so why not choose the right person carefully. if it still ends up in a lost, then only in this case the sentence seems correct.

"the path that fate takes is usually the path that u took to avoid it." ~ tts a very thought-provoking sentence. but i think it juz simply means let things take place in their own natural ways. dun try too hard to force certain issues coz sometimes the result is the same.

-twinkled at; *7:21 PM-

♥♥♥



Saturday, February 16, 2008

today had been a pretty meaningful day. went to "peace haven" nursing home to distribute oranges to the elderly. it was an event organised by the "lions association of singapore". went with my mum, sis and uncle. basically, it is a place for elderly ppl who suffer from dementia. it is quite a big place accommodating 300 plus ppl with a complete range of facilities. so we were there to spread the warmth of chinese new year to them and let them know tt there are still alot of ppl out there who care for them. =) there were some who are completely fine and could communicate effectively with us, while others who do not really talk much but i can still feel tt they enjoyed our company. after the visit, i really think tt we should cherish everyday of our life and dun hesistate to express our love and gratitude to those around us. it has been pretty long since my last volunteer work. i still remember the last one was with lions association also, when we brought children to choose their new year clothes and toys. it was a new experience back then, being able to see them so happy also brought a smile to my face. i really enjoy doing volunteer work but time seems to be the limiting factor sometimes. i always imagined tt i will go around spore or maybe even overseas to help ppl do health checkups if i have the skills and ability next time. i wish tt the world will be peaceful and everybody around me will be healthy!

now to update about what happened the past few days. ystd was a very fun day. went to eat reunion steamboat dinner with my uni OG mates at bugis. i drove there and i muz say tt spore gov is really brilliant in placing the erp gantries at strategic locations. a wrong turn and tts it, another erp will pop up ahead of u. anw, we had a great time laughing and enjoying the food at the same time. i never failed to laugh my hearts out when i am with them. they juz simply rock! love ya all. =) cant wait for our kbox session soon!

14th feb was of coz a meaningful day for me. it was the first valetine's day tt i got to celebrate with my dear. however, it felt kinda out of place or mayba i should say sad because of the issue tt happened recently. i only got the chance to celebrate with dear in school during the afternoon period. we ate lunch together at yunan garden and took a stroll at a place tt not many ppl know exist in ntu. although we only got to spend a few hours together, i really enjoyed every moment of it and like what dear said, quality is more impt than quantity. i drove back home after tt and dear accompanied me on the car. we were listening to "the power of love" cd tt he got for me and there was a slight traffic jam. tt was the first time i wished tt the jam was a massive one. was kinda sad when we parted. so i spent the night with my mum and we went to riverview hotel to have a buffet dinner. it was a lovely one and i enjoyed it alot too. we took a short stroll along clarke quay after dinner and it was pretty heartwarming. can see tt my mum was very happy and i am really glad tt she was.

a few days back, i told my mum about how i felt about the issue and she replied me too. in short, she said tt she cant stop me if i wanna be together with dear and she believes in fate. she agreed tt fate has brought me together with dear but she said tt maybe dear and her are not fated (she joked tt maybe they were enemies in their last life, lol). she did not have a very good first impression of him the very first time they met and tt was a major part i guess. but at least now the dark clouds over our rs have seemed to clear abit and i am contented with the outcome of this seemingly complicated issue. so we have all agreed tt the priority now is to keep our grades up and focus on the upcoming quiz and exams. we can then slowly build up our rs and try to improve my mum's impression of dear. after this issue, i really think tt first impression is very impt in establishing other ppl's view of u.

thanz to all those hu provided me with advice and showed concern over the past few weeks! i am really glad to have this bunch of good friends and dun worry, i am much better now. =) so focus is now on studies and i planned out a little timeline in my mind on how to manage the following 14days to chiong for my tcm exam. hope i can stick to it!

back to watching soccer.. man u is leading 3-0 now at halftime!!! wonderful football played against arsenal and the 3 goals were all scored by 3 diff ppl. keep up the good work in the second half. hahaz.

-twinkled at; *11:29 PM-

♥♥♥



Monday, February 11, 2008

someone help me please!! i really cannot take it already. my mind is gonna explode with all the tots in there and i cant seem to sort it right.

i am so gonna die for my quiz tml. still at chapter 6 out of 9.. and i have absolutely no mood to study for the rest of the night. haiz. juz hope i dun do too badly so tt i can pull it up with the final exam. act i have already sorted out my tots le, but my mum juz told me one super shocking sentence tt made me so vexed now again. she told me to spend v day with her so tt dear can get the msg clear tt we should keep a distance. maybe i misinterpreted her msg from the previous few conversations, i tot she meant tt we can still be together as a couple but juz dun be too involved. but i was totally wrong. she told me juz now tt her judgement will not be wrong and tt dear is not the right one for me. the very next sentence seriously made my heart stop beating the minute i heard it. she said if i still choose to be together with dear, my rs with her will start to drift apart. my heart broke tt very second. can someone juz tell me wat to do now?? so i take it tt i am supposed to choose between her and dear now? how do u expect me to make tt choice.. both are the ones i love...... but u know tt i will still choose my mum in the end. knowing tt doesnt make me feel a tiny bit happier, becoz tt means i can only be very good friends with dear. and i dunwan to be juz very good friends with dear. i dunwan to imagine how it feels like to be all alone again, without the love tt dear always showered me with... i dunnoe who to talk to about it coz i know the minute i think abt it, my tears will start flowing (provided tt i still have tears left). and i hate to let ppl see the weak side of me. i always try to appear so strong and happy infront of others. but now, i really feel so tired. i trust my own judgement (but who will trust me), but how can i possibly choose dear over my mum. my judgement might be right but i juz cant follow it.

i am tired. i juz wish to stay away from everybody and be alone in my own world. so juz let me be..... i dunwan to make the decision.

-twinkled at; *10:39 PM-

♥♥♥



talked to my mum juz now again. i am feeling much better now but i still cant help but think about wat she said and what the future holds for me. she told me tt wat she said to me ystd was for my own good. she has so high expectations of me because she thinks tt i have the capabilities. one thing tt she said tt really touched my heart is tt i have always been her pride in life. she wants to prove to others tt children raised from a single parent family can be as good, if not better than all other ordinary kids. and i have always been the evidence tt she showed to others.

but still, she thinks tt i can find someone better and i shouldnt be too emotionally involved. after i calm myself down from ystd's sadness and maybe anger, i tried looking at things from her perspectives. i know she wants me to lead a comfortable life next time and a right partner will allow me to do so. she is so sensitive in this area becoz she knows the hardships tt comes with a broken marriage. she told me how she felt abt my visit to dear's house and it suddenly struck me tt she made a valid pt. she said tt it wasnt polite for his mum to ask me about my father on my very first formal visit to their house. act it was quite true. i was quite stunned at tt moment too and i tot maybe his mum din noe about my family background, but later dear told me he got tell her about it. it was kinda awkward to ans such que given tt it was our first formal conversation, but i have to show respect for her as an elder and as my dear's mum. so in conclusion, i guess my mum's words will definitely affect me but i will still continue with the rs, even thou i know tt her words will keep ringing in my mind. i still love dear as much, but i guess our rs now is at a pretty good level. i dunwan to bring it down becoz of wat my mum said, but i oso dunwan to overdo it becoz my mum's words keep repeating in my mind.

juz a sidenote, to my mum (although i know she wun see it) : i really love you alot and i know you love me the most too. since i was young, we have been by each other's side all along. becoz my sis are twins and they always have each other's company. so i was always the one to acompany u (and vice versa). thanz for telling me how u felt and i will definitely make u proud of me forever! thanz for going through all the hardships to let the 3 of us be where we are today. i know it has been tough, but dun worry. it has always been my goal and dream to let u lead a luxurious life after i graduate! u r the best mum ever. =)

-twinkled at; *3:43 PM-

♥♥♥



I am supposed to be either sleeping or studying now, but i am doing neither. have been thinking about stuff for the whole day while trying very hard to study. i hope something will get in. if not i am really screwed for tue quiz.. i was all excited to update this blog with all the exciting and lovely events tt happened for the past few weeks, but one thing today juz ruins it all. Even my uni friend who came my house to bai nian today realised tt something was bothering me and i was upset. i am those tt dun like to share my troubles with others and he isnt really tt close to me either. so tt goes to show how much i am affected by the event tt took place this morning.

woke up in the morning and my mum said she want to talk to me about some stuff. before she even started, i saw what was coming. Relationship yet again. dear, pls dun continue reading if u are feeling great at this moment, coz it will juz become the opp after u finish reading it. so it was back to tt same old statement again. "u can find someone better". i guess it all started coz of my grades again. got a 75 for my tcm quiz and she was not at all satisfied. "last time u used to get 90+, den 80+, now it's only 70+". i know my grades are dropping but has it ever occurred to her that my level is getting higher too. it's not like i am always in year 1 when i can get 4.9 all the time. it's hard. sometimes i juz feel so hurt. was watching i not stupid 2 juz now and i quote "try to look at ppl's good pts instead of focusing on all the bad ones. dun hold back ur words of appraisal". it hit me tt maybe my excellent grades all along have been taken for granted. i dun vividly remember being praised for all the good grades i got, but always nagged at for a drop in grades. i know she is not scolding me, but it really hurts when i am already upset with my own results and she cant offer abit of encouragement. maybe i should juz stay at home all day and study and study and get a gpa of 5. i even had the tot tt maybe i should lie to her tt i got 80+ for my quiz since she wun see it anw (tts the kind of stress i am giving myself), but i tot let's juz be honest. 75 is acceptable (not say excellent) for me given tt i only spent less than 4 days studying for it. but it turns out tt she thinks otherwise.

so it all started. she attributed my drop in grades to me having a bf. "i dun believe studying together will help u. it juz diverts ur attention." tts wat i get when i told her dear is coming over to study. "i think u shld stop using ur hp when u r studying" so tt means i need to concentrate 100% when studying, so dun talk to me next time when i am studying k. maybe i should even stop breathing so tt i can concentrate 100% (ok, tts juz me expressing my anger).. since when she started to criticize on my studying methods. last time when i used to watch tv and study at the same time, she nv did. becoz last time my grades were good. so which one is more distracting, tv or juz a few sms. i guess it doesnt matter, only the grades do. i am so gonna get 5 the next time round to prove u wrong. tt dear doesnt affect my grades.

another major issue is the navy career yet again. she has been telling me tt all these while. i know what it is like and i have been thinking about it too. but right now, we are juz in a rs and nothing is guaranteed in the future, so it's juz a normal rs like all others. she brought up my ex again. i know pl seem to have better prospects but who knows, dear is much better.. seriously, i feel tt mr right isnt all about having a wonderful career and able to provide luxury, it's much more. what happened to the love, care, respect etc. isnt all these as impt in a rs. i agree tt the ability to provide for a family is a major factor, but definitely not the most impt one. i have confidence tt i can provide for myself but i definitely cant love myself as much. and who says navy cant have good prospects in the future, it's juz a common misbelief.

she asked me not to put too much into the rs. she said she is not disapproving me of this rs but juz dun get too emotionally involved. everything is not guaranteed yet, so dun make empty promises. i dunnoe y i gave her the idea tt i am making alot of promises in this rs, but isnt relationship always a gamble, even after marriage there's always alot of uncertainty. u nv know what will happen. but if i feel that this rs is a worthwhile gamble, isnt it only sensible tt i dare to put a bigger stake. wats so serious and wrong with tt. i juz cant get it. u nv know what hand u will get unless u are the player. so y dun she trust my judgement and let things take place naturally.

some other stuff are so disheartening tt i dun even know how to phrase it to pen it down. like my er jie said, mum you4 lai4 le. she used to be so supportive of all our rs but it's a different story now. she only likes my eldest sis bf now. even my er jie bf is becoming unacceptable to her, when they have already been together for 3 years and counting. i am not criticizing my mum here. in fact, i respect her too much tts y her opinions are so impt to me. i dunwan to disappoint her but i love my dear sooo much too. i guess we will juz hafta learn to give and take in some areas and hope for the better.

i am juz so tired of all these sayings. at the start of our rs she told me the same stuff, and i tot things were improving after she got to meet him, but maybe it was juz my own naiive thinking.... we haven said more than one sentence to each other for the whole entire day today, but i dunnoe y either. it wasnt my fault right. she told me how she felt and i juz listened, but couldnt stop my tears from flowing. so she asked me y am i so upset, but i din answer. i juz dunnoe how. i am not good at expressing myself. but i never even argue back, i merely juz kept quiet, so was i wrong in doing so? puzzled still.

ok, i need to stop thinking about all these stuff after tonight's sleep coz tml is the last day to chiong for my quiz. i need to work towards my target of 5.

to dear: i am sorry if it upsets u, but i know u will wanna know wat happened and i cant bear to tell u personally coz the tot of it makes me wanna cry. but dun worry, i am sure i will be able to handle it and lets work together for a better future k.. it's definitely not ur fault so dun keep blaming urself, which i know u would. missing u right now and love u lots!! =) the sight of u (even in photos) nv fail to make me smile even when i am down. quoting from a friend's blog, "dun juz hang in there, start climbing upwards, slow and steady". so lets use our love to overcome all obstacles and bring our rs to greater heights!

-twinkled at; *12:48 AM-

♥♥♥