I feel like I am just living life now as it is. Not necessarily a bad thing.
Surprised that I never go out this weekend considering that it’s the first weekend of intern and things are still quite slack. Just don’t have the mood. I am not in a moody or emo mood, just a “我已经看开” mood. Hard to describe the feeling but I just feel like everything else doesn’t really matter anymore. Just doing what I have to do now. Sleep, study, video, blog. That’s about all the things that I am interested in now. Before I started typing this post, I was still playing games online but none of them seem to interest me. Eating also doesn’t interest me now. Appetite seems like a distant thing nowadays.
I am kinda stunned at myself that I am act studying. I have always been the non-hardworking kinda person. But just ystd it hit me that things are so unpredictable in this world. Everything can change in a split second, so why bother doing so much when some of them are going away eventually. Just live ur life the way it has to be lived and be contented. Mundane as it may seem, that is life isn’t it. How ironic?
I have been having the “pubbing” mood since a few days back. If not for intern tml, I would have gone tonight. It has to be next week then I guess. Don’t know whether the mood will last that long.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
today is the first day of my year 5 临床实习.. super duper nervous coz i was alone for the first department! how scary. first day, first department, alone.. so i went to 外科. luckily the teacher is a very very nice guy. he is the 副主任 and very experienced. i followed him to 门诊 and the day started. alot of patients for the morning but only a few interesting ones i would say. most of them are 换药 and 开药 ones. so nothing much to see. i think 外科 is more of 手术 and i can only get to see tt in 病房. although the patients are boring, the teacher is interesting. haha.. bcoz there are only abt 10 patients in the afternoon, we spent alot of spare time chit-chatting. talked about almost everything under the sun, from china to spore to taiwan. from tcm to politics to living... anything tt u can think of.. i wonder next week what do we have left to talk about. haha..
tml is a free day for me! coz he is not working tml.. but i have to go back on sun instead. i thought of going to the 病房 tml but gave up the thought bcoz my fever still havent subside. should juz rest at home and get better.. hopefully next wk i will get to see some 手术.
ystd night i went to a&e bcoz i was really feeling v sick. couldnt eat anything and juz felt v nauseous.. so junie and i took a toot toot (it's a form of cab here for those who dunnoe) to the hospital. when we were reaching, we got stopped by a group of police! pretty scary. dint know what was happening but we guessed tt the toot toot is illegal. so we had to give our ICs and sign something b4 going off. nothing much but it's juz weird. i tot they are all legal.. and the police was using video-cam! maybe we will appear on tv. lol...
praying tt my fever is not bcoz of any inflammation or infection of my gum. hope it will subside soon and i can get back to some serious work after all these... thanz yinyue and junie for taking care of me these few days! i felt ur loves =)
finally settled all the drama today.. it's been too much to handle, esp in my state of health. although things cant go back to before, i juz hope tt the outcome of all these is something positive or even neutral will do. i did what i could bcoz i care. i care about 2 of my best friends and i care about harmony. juz know tt i do despite all the drama behind it. i am tired......
i really hate to see tt things cant go back to before between the 2 of ur.. i know it wouldnt, even if it does on the surface, it is still different deep down. haiz. it wasnt even the main issue in question. why did it come to this. i nv expected it to and i probably shldnt have even said anything to anyone in the first place. maybe all these could have been less complicated. but these are all juz "maybe"s.. who can predict the future right.. this is juz a perfect example of how too much emotions built up in u over time can lead to a massive explosion. everything will be different now. different eye contact, different conversations, different fun, different laughter. i will miss the good times..
me listening to my emo song list is not a good sign.. how long has it been since i had tears of joy instead of sadness
Monday, July 19, 2010
today is probably the worst day in recent times..
i woke up feeling tt my stomachache is going to be back. it has been haunting me since the weekends (act to be exact, for 7 years already). then off to school to start the first day of my year 5 internship term. everything was ok until lunchtime.
i went to see a dentist bcoz my lower back tooth was hurting alot. after his examination, he said tt its the upper teeth tt are hurting. so he suggested tooth-filling for one and extraction for the upper wisdom tooth. he act took me by surprise coz i was only expecting either cleaning or tooth-filling. so i said ok since tts the only solution. fear started to build in me (given tt it is china).
the tooth-filling went well den after tt came the anesthesia. after the injection, he waited for awhile den asked me whether i felt the numbness, so i said a little. WITHOUT even testing the effects, he started the extraction. to my HORRID, there was no drill and no machines. juz him and the nurse with a hammer and nail and pliers. sounds like a horror show huh.. so he started planting the nails at different spots on the tooth and the nurse will hit it several times with the hammer. and by hit, i mean with full strength! my whole head was shaking with every stroke and the nurse had to stabilize my head. i felt like my whole head was gonna explode and i cannot breath. to make things worst, they dun even provide suction. i kept thinking tt i was going to choke and die on my own blood and saliva.
then came the most painful part. bcoz he tried removing it for like 3 times (with almost 15 knocks) and it still cant work, he decided to put the nail in between my tooth and my gum. given tt the anesthesia sucks to the max, it was hell painful!!! imagine knocking a nail into ur gum and u can feel it.. i felt like i was dying at that moment. the pain radiated all the way up my nose and to my head. finally like after 5 tries, he got the tooth out. phew! was my first reaction. den after putting in some gauze it was done! hurray.. but i was wondering there isnt any need for stitches? will the wound close liddat? he dint even prescribe me with antibiotics and painkillers. i had to ask for it..
throughout the whole process, i kept thinking tt i will get an infection soon. haha. total insecurity.
worst dental experience ever, hands down!
but lucky junie was there to calm my nerves and listen to my complains. haha. thanz! =)
oh and guess what, i found a chipped off part of my tooth later on, in my mouth! how safe is tt. lucky i din swallow it.
now i appreciate the dentist in spore, although the price is so much steeper. it's totally worth it!
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my horrible day din stop there. went back to class and some things happened. dun really wanna elaborate much but many issues came as a surprise to me. went home and it din get any better. haiz it was both good and bad in different ways. issues will still be issues but at least the cloud cleared up a little now. it's this kind of things tt make me miss home even more..
it's juz a v tiring day. and the meds are making it worst. is this a sign of a bad start to year 5.. who knows...
why cant life be simpler?
it hurts to hear those kind of comments from u.